


A Little Nerdy

by error404_happinessnotfound



Series: Monsta X Oneshots [5]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chae Hyungwon-centric, Hyungwon with glasses, Stardew Valley - Freeform, nerdy hyungwon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 13:02:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19768762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/error404_happinessnotfound/pseuds/error404_happinessnotfound
Summary: in which Changkyun gets too cool for Hyungwon





	A Little Nerdy

“…and all I’m saying is that we should be focusing on getting into Skull Cavern so we can harvest iridium ore,” Hyungwon said, pausing to push his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. They were too big on his face, but his parents insisted that it was fine since he’d “grow into them.” Forgetting the fact that his prescription was going to change anyway.

“Why do we even need the iridium?” Changkyun argued back. “We can make more money farming. Why waste money fixing the bus to get to the desert to get to Skull Cavern when we can just save the money, screw the bus, and sell our crops?”

“Because we’re going to need iridium to build shit,” Hyungwon said, rolling his eyes and pushing his glasses up again as he huffed out a breath. There was plenty of room in the cafeteria, but the two fifth-graders were sitting at the back corner table, ignoring their bag lunches to argue about their most recent computer game. They cycled through about a game a month, and as a change of pace from first-person shooters and tower defense, they were playing a quaint farming game. Only they were disagreeing on what to do when they went home from school today.

“Whatever, we can figure it out later,” Changkyun said, finally opening his lunch and pulling out a granola bar.

“My house, right?” Hyungwon asked, all tension gone from the table as he also opened his lunch and bit into a peanut butter sandwich. Not peanut butter and jelly, just peanut butter. He didn’t like the way jelly felt against his tongue.

“Yeah,” Changkyun agreed. They liked to play in the same room so they didn’t have to have a three-hour phone call (which they’d done on several occasions). They usually hung out at Hyungwon’s house. Changkyun and Hyungwon both shared rooms with their brothers, but Changkyun’s brother was older and tended to tease them and push them around. Hyungwon’s brother was younger, so they didn’t have to deal with that with him and could kick him out of the room if needed.

\--

Changkyun got off the bus with Hyungwon and walked with him to his house, following him in through the door and taking off his shoes. The Chaes left a spot for his shoes on the matt since he was over so often. As Hyungwon’s family liked to remind him as often as possible, Changkyun was Hyungwon’s only friend, which meant that Mrs. Chae treasured Changkyun and treated him like a third son. Which also meant he got roped into doing chores, but he didn’t mind that much.

“We’re home,” Hyungwon announced, getting a muffled reply from the kitchen before Mrs. Chae popped into the hallway with a smile.

“Changkyun, nice to see you honey. I was just getting some snacks together. I’ll bring them up in a few minutes, okay?”

“Thanks Mom,” Hyungwon said, giving her a peck on the cheek as they passed by. Changkyun nodded respectfully and followed Hyungwon up to his room.

“Hey, we’re going to be playing games in here, so be quiet or leave,” Hyungwon said.

Kyungwon just rolled his eyes. “How loud could I possibly be at math homework?”

“Hey, Kyungwon,” Changkyun said, giving half a wave, and Kyungwon nodded back at him.

“Hi hyung.”

“Oh, so you’ll call him hyung but not me?” Hyungwon asked, eyebrow raised.

Kyungwon stuck his tongue out at Hyungwon, who stuck his tongue back at him.

“Fight later, game now,” Changkyun interrupted, and Hyungwon nodded, setting up his laptop as Changkyun pulled out his own. They really shouldn’t have had laptops at their age, but they’d both begged their parents for years, telling them how they wouldn’t need presents for Christmas or their birthday or anytime else as long as they could have a laptop. That had probably mattered less to their parents than the five-paragraph argumentative essay they’d collectively written to express the pros and cons (of course, there were no cons) of them having laptops.

They both logged on and started playing, interrupted only briefly by Mrs. Chae bringing in snacks, which they thanked her for (and let Kyungwon steal, pretending not to see).

“Are you staying for dinner, honey?” Mrs. Chae asked Changkyun as they came down from Hyungwon’s room.

“Sorry, I promised my mom I’d be home for dinner tonight,” Changkyun said. “Thank you for the offer though, Mrs. Chae.”

She smiled and waved as Hyungwon walked him to the door. Once they were out of his mom’s sight, he smacked the back of Changkyun’s head. “Kiss ass,” he muttered.

“I’m just being polite,” Changkyun said.

“You’re never that polite,” Hyungwon reminded him.

“Shut up,” Changkyun said before grinning at Hyungwon. “I’ll see you tomorrow. And don’t play ahead without me!”

“Mmhm.”

“I mean it!”

\--

“Your house?” Changkyun asked the next day, taking off his glasses to rub at his eyes. Like Hyungwon, he had specs, but unlike him, they didn’t drown out his whole face. He was technically supposed to wear them every day, but he forgot half the time.

“Can’t,” Hyungwon said, taking a bite of his sandwich and starting to chew before stopping, his eyes closing for a long moment before he blinked them open slowly. Math had been long and boring, and he was still half-asleep. “My mom said something about having a guy come by to check on a problem with our network or something. Can we play at yours?”

“Yeah I guess,” Changkyun responded.

The second half of the school day passed more quickly now that they were eager to get home and play their game. Soon, Hyungwon was getting off at Changkyun’s bus stop, which was only a few down from his, and they headed inside. Changkyun’s parents weren’t home from work yet, so they headed straight up to his room.

“Hello losers,” Changkyun’s older brother greeted with a patronizing wave. “Still trying to invent a digital girlfriend?”

“Yep and she’s going to be beautiful,” Hyungwon responded immediately, used to the jabs and taunts. He found it easier to just play along.

Changkyun still got upset though, scowling at his older brother as he sat down on his bed, patting for Hyungwon to come sit next to him.

“I heard that if you spend too much time on your laptop, you’ll get sucked in,” Changkyun’s brother added. “Or the computer will hack your brain.”

“I’m pretty sure my computer doesn’t care about fifth grade math, and that’s all that’s inside,” Hyungwon said, sitting down calmly and opening his laptop to load the game.

“Hyung, can’t you just leave us alone or bother someone else?” Changkyun whined.

“But I want to bother _you_ ,” his brother said, and Changkyun just sighed in frustration before also loading the game.

Twenty minutes in, Changkyun nudged Hyungwon, gesturing to his screen. “Look, we should get those sprinklers, it’ll be so much easier.”

“Yeah, that would be a fantastic idea if we had _iridium, which is in the Skull Cavern, which you told me that we didn’t need to care about_ ,” Hyungwon replied back.

“Boys! Dinner!” called out Changkyun’s mom from downstairs.

“I gotta go,” Hyungwon said, checking the time on his laptop screen. “My mom wants us all home for dinner every night. She’s been a little crazy about it lately.”

“Really? Why?” Changkyun asked, shutting his laptop screen and waiting as Hyungwon grabbed his backpack.

“I don’t know, my dad’s been working late recently so I don’t see why she’s so strict about it since it’ll only be us and Kyungwon anyway but…”

By this point, they’d reached the bottom of the stairs. Hyungwon said a quick hello to Mr. and Mrs. Im and thanked them for having him over before walking home.

“You have to stop hanging out with him,” Changkyun’s older brother said. “He’s a nerd. There’s no saving him. He’ll drag you down with him in high school.”

“Leave Changie alone, he can be friends with whoever he wants,” Mrs. Im said before pointing a fork in his direction. “And Hyungwon is such a nice boy.”

“People only say someone is nice when they have nothing else good to say about them,” Changkyun’s brother said. “You’ll never make other friends if you’re always hanging around with him, Changkyun. He’s social suicide. Maybe you don’t care about that now, but wait until you get to high school and you want a girlfriend or you want to go to parties.”

“All right, enough,” Mrs. Im said. “Changkyun can make his own decisions without your input. Let’s just enjoy our dinner, okay?”

Changkyun nodded, keeping his mouth shut on the subject (but still shoveling in food, of course). But his brother’s comments were starting to crawl into his head. It hadn’t really bothered him before, only having one friend. He used to have more friends when he was younger, but they’d stopped hanging out with him when he’d started hanging out with Hyungwon. And that was fine, he supposed, but he _did_ want to eventually get a girlfriend. He thought that it would be nice to be popular instead of being a nerd.

“Hey, hyung?” Changkyun asked after dinner when they were both just sitting in their room.

“What?”

“Do you really think I could be popular?” Changkyun asked, staring at his brother with wary eyes, ready for an insult.

But his brother just looked over him. “Yeah. For one, you’re my brother, and I’m super popular. Two, your face is okay, if we get rid of your glasses. You don’t really need them anyway.”

“I don’t?”

“No. Plus, you forget them half the time anyway. Just drop them. And you’d have to change your wardrobe. Get rid of all your gamer shirts, buy some Adidas stuff instead. And get rid of Hyungwon.”

“Do I have to?”

“Do you want to be cool? Or do you want to be the math teacher’s pet and stay after school to help her file assignments while everyone else is having a good time?”

Changkyun was quiet.

\--

Changkyun was still quiet at lunch the next day. He half-listened as Hyungwon talked about what they should work on in the game.

“My mom said our network is fixed so we can play at my house today,” Hyungwon said, reaching for his lunch.

“Sorry, I can’t, not today,” Changkyun mumbled, not meeting Hyungwon’s eyes.

Hyungwon’s hand stopped short of the bag, hovering for a moment before dropping to rest on the table. “Why not? We need to harvest the iridium ore today so we can get the sprinklers by spring.”

“My mom said I have to stay home the rest of the week,” Changkyun lied, still unable to look Hyungwon in the eyes. He’d never lied to Hyungwon before. There had never been a reason to. “Probably has a list of chores for me to do.”

“Oh,” Hyungwon said, looking down for a moment. “What if I came over? Then we could get them done faster and still play.”

“Sorry,” Changkyun said, wincing as he dug himself farther and farther into a hole. He could have backed out, told Hyungwon he was kidding, that they could play today. Everything would be fine and forgotten. But he found that he didn’t really want to. “Im family only. Mom’s rules.”

“Oh. Okay.” Hyungwon looked down, finally opening his lunch and taking out his sandwich. “Then we’ll play some other time. Don’t worry, I won’t play ahead without you.”

\--

They hadn’t played games the rest of the week. During lunch, they were both quiet, nothing much to talk about now that they weren’t hanging out.

Monday of the next week sealed Changkyun’s decision.

When he got into the cafeteria for lunch, he didn’t head to the far back corner. Instead, he hovered by the doors for a moment, one hand on his backpack strap and the other holding his lunch, before spotting several boys from his class. He made his way over, biting on his bottom lip, and then a few moments later, he was standing in front of them.

“Can I sit here?” Changkyun asked, pointing to an empty seat.

He immediately felt several pairs of eyes on him, the weight unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Hyungwon’s eyes were usually soft. They didn’t feel heavy or harsh.

“Sure,” one of the boys said, and they all nodded and shrugged rather agreeably.

Changkyun exhaled a deep breath of relief as he sat down quickly. “Thank you,” he said, nodding to the boys.

“Don’t you usually sit with Hyungwon?” one of the boys on the opposite side of the table asked.

“Yeah,” Changkyun answered, swallowing nervously. This was his one chance to fit in. He couldn’t screw it up or he’d never have any friends.

“Is he going to sit here too? Cause he’s a little…”

“Weird?” Changkyun finished for him, and the one boy looked guilty while the others laughed.

“His glasses are bigger than his head,” one of the boys spoke up and the others laughed even harder.

Changkyun felt wrong laughing along with them, but he was one of them now so he had to. He wanted to explain how Hyungwon’s parents were just trying to save money instead of buying him new glasses every year, but he kept his mouth shut.

Changkyun laughed along with the others and kept his head facing the opposite side of the table so he wouldn’t have to look back and see Hyungwon sitting alone, laughing with no one.

\--

Changkyun kept his head down on the bus, hoping Hyunwon wouldn’t see him and would sit somewhere else, but he saw someone’s legs in the corner of his eyes. Hyungwon hesitated in the aisle beside Changkyun’s seat before sitting down next to him.

Changkyun kept his eyes down.

“So you were at school…” Hyungwon started before taking a breath. “I thought so, just, I wasn’t sure since…I didn’t see you at lunch and-”

“I’m sitting somewhere else for lunch now,” Changkyun said, still unable to look over.

“O-Oh?”

He could hear the surprise in Hyungwon’s voice, the masked hurt. Hyungwon would never say anything if Changkyun hurt his feelings. It wasn’t in his nature. Changkyun knew that and took the opportunity to continue.

“But it’s fine, you can keep sitting where you always sit,” Changkyun said, feeling a little guilty about saying it but not wanting Hyungwon to tag along and scare his new friends off. He had to make this work, and he couldn’t do it with Hyungwon there.

“All right…” Hyungwon’s voice trailed off before he opened his mouth again, each one of his words doubtful. “So…did you want…to play the game today? Or…does your mom still-”

“Yeah,” Changkyun answered quickly. “Sorry, I can’t.”

“Oh. Right.”

They were quiet for the rest of the bus ride. Hyungwon got off first, and Changkyun watched from the window as his lanky figure slowly made its way to his door, disappearing inside, his shoulders hunched in a bit, backpack dwarfing his thin frame.

\--

Changkyun sat with someone else on the bus from then on.

\--

Changkyun was making friends, and he was enjoying it. He got birthday invites from kids who had never talked to him before. He was suddenly “in,” and it made him never want to be “out” again.

His glasses went forgotten on his bedside table until they were eventually shut away in a drawer.

His mom seemed surprised to see so many new friends coming over to their house, but she just went with it, happy that Changkyun was getting along well and always asking them to stay for dinner.

Even his brother had changed. He didn’t call him loser or nerd anymore, instead just patting him on the back or nodding at him. He even snuck him into some R-rated movies.

He felt guilty for a moment when he thought to himself that he should have gotten rid of Hyungwon earlier.

But then he reminded himself that he had nothing to feel guilty for. Hyungwon had just dragged him down. He’d hung out with him for a while to be nice, but it didn’t mean they had to stay glued together forever. People moved on, friends changed. And what used to be enough for Changkyun just wasn’t anymore, he couldn’t help that.

Hyungwon would be fine without him, just like he was fine without Hyungwon.

\--

“Are you coming over later?” Jooheon’s voice came from the phone, which Changkyun had set off to the side on speaker. Time had passed and, after officially being accepted into the “in” crowd, Changkyun had found his new best friend in Jooheon.

“Can’t,” Changkyun replied in frustration. “I’m trying to do this stupid math homework, I’m not even halfway done. It’s going to take me an hour at least.”

“Just forget about it,” Jooheon said. “Homework barely counts for a grade. It’s just busy work they hand out to keep you from having fun. As long as you do okay on the quizzes and tests, you don’t even have to turn the homework in.”

“Really?” asked Changkyun doubtfully, staring down at the sheet of paper covered in twice-erased pencil scribbles.

“Really, man. Just forget about it and come over to my place, my mom is ordering pizza and I’ve got that one movie we wanted to see.”

Changkyun bit his lip before sighing and pushing the homework out of reach. “Okay, okay, I’m on my way,” he said, a grin making its way onto his lips. “See you.” He hung up and shoved the phone in his pocket, grabbing a jacket and throwing on a pair of Converse. “Hey, bro, can you drive me over to Jooheon’s?” he shouted in the direction of the bathroom.

The door swung open a minute later, his brother poking his head out, hair half-styled. “Fine, but I’m leaving in ten minutes. If you’re not in the car, you’re not getting a ride.”

“Thanks,” Changkyun said, hurrying down the stairs.

“Changie?” called his mom, appearing from around the corner, and Changkyun groaned. “Where are you going?”

“To Jooheon’s. Hyung is going to drive me.”

“What about dinner though?”

“Jooheon’s mom is ordering pizza,” Changkyun said, checking his pockets to make sure he had his phone.

“Did you finish all your homework?”

“Yes, Mom,” Changkyun said, turning around. He didn’t like lying to her face. It was easier if he couldn’t see her.

“All right…but don’t stay out too late, you’ve got school tomorrow and-”

“Okay, thanks, bye!” Changkyun said, giving her a quick wave before heading out the door and waiting by his brother’s car. As with before, he’d felt a little guilty, but it had already gone away. He was getting better at it now. And like Jooheon said, homework didn’t really matter. As long as he did okay on the quizzes and tests, he’d be fine.

\--

Changkyun stared down at the 70% marked in red on his paper. He’d never gotten a C before. The lowest score he’d gotten had been a B-, and he’d been sick that day.

“Hey, what’d you get?” Jooheon asked, bumping his shoulder as he came up beside him.

Changkyun just held up the test for him to see.

“Nice!” Jooheon said, slapping his shoulder. “I got a 68.”

“Isn’t…aren’t those grades bad though?” Changkyun asked hesitantly, worrying at his lip. He wondered what his mom would say when she saw it. If she saw it.

“Nah, they’re fine. You only need a C to pass anyway. Why put in all the extra effort for an A or B when we all pass the class just the same?”

“I guess…”

“Hey,” Jooheon said, smacking his back. “Are you coming to my house this weekend?”

“I don’t know…”

“Come on, you have to!” Jooheon insisted, hopping in front of Changkyun so they were face-to-face. “I invited a bunch of other guys, and someone said their brother can get us alcohol.”

“A-Alcohol?” Changkyun asked, head still swimming from the surprising grade. “But we’re only in seventh grade-”

“It’ll be fun, I promise,” Jooheon said, putting a hand on Changkyun’s arm. “Please? It won’t be any fun without you there.”

Changkyun hesitated. But he’d already decided, hadn’t he? That he was going to commit to this, that he was going to make friends and do it right this time. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

\--

High school was what his older brother had promised it to be – more friends, more parties, more fun. Although Changkyun was kind of feeling tired of friends and parties and fun. He felt like he never got to spend any time alone. He felt like he didn’t know himself anymore. Like he hadn’t known himself for a long time.

“Changkyun, please stay after class a moment,” the teacher said, and Changkyun groaned, sliding further into his seat as Jooheon snickered.

“Catch you in the cafeteria,” he said with a wave before exiting with the other students.

“Yes, Ma’am?” Changkyun said, approaching the teacher’s desk with reluctant footsteps.

“Changkyun, we need to talk about your grades,” she said, folding her hands on her desk. “You haven’t turned in any homework all semester, and your test grades have been steadily dropping. If this continues, I’m going to have to fail you.”

“But-” Changkyun hesitated, fumbling for an excuse, but he couldn’t argue with what he knew to be true. “I only need a C to pass, right? I’m not that far away-”

“Do you really want to repeat this whole year of math?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “That’s fine by me, but I don’t think you’ll get much more out of it. Although I don’t think you’ve gotten much out of it at all this time around.” She paused before sighing, eyelashes fluttering shut for a moment before she opened them once more. “I think our best course of action would be looking into getting you a tutor to catch you up.”

“A tutor?” Changkyun almost laughed. Did, a little bit, but stopped when he realized she wasn’t laughing. “I’m not stupid, I just-”

“Don’t care enough about your education to study in your own time,” she finished for him. “And that’s exactly why I think getting you a tutor would help you. It would force you to dedicate time to learning the material. I believe you, Changkyun. I think you’re a rather bright student. But I also think you aren’t using any of the gifts you’ve been given in the right way. You may not care about math now, but passing this class is important for your future. Also…” She huffed out a sigh, realizing that he was likely to care less about all that she’d said before and more likely to only pay attention to the last part. “If you agree to work with a tutor, I’ll drop your lowest test score.”

“Fine,” Changkyun said after a moment, realizing that there was no way out of this (and no way in hell did he want to repeat a year of math). “Thank you,” he added after a moment. His teacher had always been nice to him, and he honestly couldn’t figure out why.

“I’m glad you’re taking the opportunity,” she said, a smile finally gracing her lips. “I’m going to put you with a student who’s on your same bus route so you two can find time to study together. He’s to report to me what you get done each day, so please take both his and your time seriously.”

“All right,” Changkyun agreed easily, still fixated on the thought of have his lowest test score removed. “Sure, great.”

“All right, I talked to the student earlier about this, and he already agreed to help you if you were interested. Here’s his information,” the teacher said, handing him an index card with neat handwriting.

His stomach turned as soon as he read the name. “You don’t have…anyone else? No other tutors available?”

“None on your bus route. But I think you’ll get along well with Chae Hyungwon. He’s a bit quieter like yourself, and he’s one of my best students. He agreed to tutor you for an hour after school every day, starting today. Please get along well with him.”

Changkyun nodded, unable to reject the offer in hindsight. He shoved the index card into his pocket, secretly hoping that it would magically disappear, but when he got on the bus at the end of the day and shoved his hands in his pockets, he was met with the unfortunate reminder of his bad luck.

“Hey,” Jooheon greeted as Changkyun collapsed into the seat beside him. “You okay?”

Changkyun groaned. “Yes. No. The math teacher is making me see a tutor.”

Jooheon laughed. “How bad did you do on the last test?”

Changkyun shut his eyes, trying not to envision the grade. “Bad.”

“Sucks to be you,” Jooheon said with a shrug. “Guess we can’t hang out for a while then. Unless you want to ditch tutoring,” he said, nudging Changkyun’s shoulder suggestively.

“Can’t,” Changkyun said, flicking open his eyes and glaring at the seat in front of him. “The teacher said the tutor is going to report to her every day. She’ll know if I ditch.”

“That sucks,” Jooheon said before tilting his head. “Who’s your tutor? Is it the pretty girl who sits in the front? She’s a tutor, right? You’d be lucky if you got her.”

“No, my luck is horrible,” Changkyun muttered. “I got Hyungwon.”

“Who?” Jooheon’s face scrunched in confusion before he brightened up a second later. “Wait, isn’t he that kid with the super big glasses?”

“Yeah, that’s him,” Changkyun said with a sigh.

“Well…that’s not so bad, is it? Sure, he’s not a cute girl, but he looks smart enough.”

“The problem is that we used to be friends,” Changkyun explained, gesturing vaguely with his left hand. “And then we weren’t.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Shit,” Changkyun muttered, standing up quickly. “This is his stop, I gotta go.”

“See you, man. Good luck.”

“Thanks,” Changkyun mumbled back, hurrying towards the front of the bus and stepping off to see a much taller version of the Hyungwon he’d known when he was little. He looked the same besides that, though. Still very thin, his elbows sticking out at awkward angles, his skinny jeans stopping just a little too short. “Um, hi, Hyungwon. I think you’re supposed to be tutoring me…?”

Hyungwon just nodded and started walking to his house, Changkyun pausing for a moment before following quickly, keeping a step behind.

When they got inside, Changkyun went to take his shoes off only to find the rack nearly empty. Only two pairs of shoes, Hyungwon’s included. Changkyun quickly added his before standing up and following Hyungwon deeper into the house. “Where’s your mom?” Changkyun asked suddenly, the setting flooding him with memories of Mrs. Chae greeting him, always getting a snack ready.

“Work,” Hyungwon answered shortly, bypassing the kitchen and heading for the stairs instead.

Changkyun followed him up into his room, immediately noticing another boy he’d grown up quite a bit. “Hey, Kyungwon,” he said unsteadily.

Kyungwon just flicked his eyes up at Changkyun and stared for a long moment before going back to whatever it was he was working on.

“So…how have you been, Hyungwon?” Changkyun asked, the quiet air making him intensely uncomfortable.

“I thought we were going to talk about math,” Hyungwon said quietly, not looking over.

“Right, sorry,” Changkyun mumbled. “Look, it’s not that I’m stupid, I just can’t see the board in class,” he explained, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Then what about these?” Hyungwon asked, looking over and tapping Changkyun’s glasses frame.

“These are plastic lenses,” Changkyun said, feeling ashamed for some reason. “Not prescription. Just for fashion or whatever.”

“Huh.” That was all he said. Changkyun knew that was bad somehow, but he wasn’t sure what Hyungwon was really thinking. “Let’s get started then,” Hyungwon said, his voice still soft. Changkyun was just starting to remember how he’d always found Hyungwon’s voice to be calming. He’d missed it without realizing it.

An hour later, Hyungwon closed the textbook, making a quick note of how far they’d gotten so he could let the teacher know.

“Um…thank you,” Changkyun said after a moment, still feeling like there was so much to ask and have answered.

“Sure,” Hyungwon said, still not meeting his eyes. “I guess we’re done for today. We can continue tomorrow.”

“Right,” Changkyun said before realizing that was his cue to leave. He scrambled up, slinging his backpack over his right shoulder. “I can show myself out, thanks again,” he said, turning and exiting the room. To his relief, he didn’t hear footsteps coming after him. He slipped on his shoes and hurried out the door, nearly bumping into someone. “Sorry-”

“Changkyun, is that you?” Mrs. Chae asked, and Changkyun looked up, panicking. Mrs. Chae looked older than he remembered, aged past the years he hadn’t seen her. Her face was lined with new wrinkles just starting to show themselves, her eyes a bit more tired from when he’d seen her last. “It’s been such a long time, honey. How have you been?”

“I’ve been all right,” Changkyun said, wanting to run off in the other direction. “Um, how have you been, Mrs. Chae?”

“Been better, been worse,” she said with a belated laugh. “But I’ve still got my two boys. That’s all I really need. How’s school going for you?”

“Uh, it’s all right. I’m not doing so great in math so, well, that’s why I’m here actually, Hyungwon’s tutoring me.”

“Oh? That’s, well, that’s very nice,” she said, seeming to have a difficult time understanding whether that was good or bad news. At the very least, it didn’t appear to be the news she’d wanted to hear.

“Yeah. I’m sorry, Mrs. Chae, I really have to go-”

“Oh, I’m sorry for keeping you, honey. Have a nice night, and let Hyungwon know when you get home safely.”

“Uh, right,” Changkyun mumbled, giving a finally wave before heading off at a brisk speed walk. As uncomfortable as it had been talking with Hyungwon, it was somehow worse talking to Mrs. Chae. He could see that small light of hope in her eyes, mixed with gratitude. She was grateful to him. For hanging out with her son. Because he was a nice kid. Because Hyungwon didn’t have any other friends.

He felt sick.

\--

“You’re doing the problem wrong,” Hyungwon said calmly, holding the top of Changkyun’s pencil still to stop him from writing.

“I’m sorry,” Changkyun responded automatically, lifting the pencil up to try to spot his mistake, but he honestly didn’t understand a single thing he’d written.

“It’s fine, just erase it and try again like I showed you-”

“Why are you helping me?” Changkyun asked abruptly. Hyungwon froze, just blinked down at the paper. Changkyun didn’t think that they’d ever made eye contact, not in the past three days of tutoring.

“I’m sorry?”

“You know what I mean. Why are you tutoring me?”

“Because you suck ass at math,” Kyungwon spoke up helpfully, his tone bitter.

“Kyungwon,” Hyungwon said, his tone admonitory.

“I’m not apologizing for saying what’s true,” his brother defended, crossing his arms. “You should just let him fail math, hyung.”

“Why _aren’t_ you letting me fail math?” Changkyun asked, turning back to Hyungwon desperately. “You hate me, don’t you?”

“Why would I hate you?” Hyungwon asked, his tone completely even. He didn’t sound bothered or surprised whatsoever.

“Because- because I was your only friend and then I stopped being friends with you and left you all alone,” Changkyun said, the guilt that had slowly piled its way onto his chest finally coming to a crescendo.

The room was quiet for a moment.

“So?”

Changkyun blinked, his mouth hanging open. “S-So? What do you mean, so?”

“So what?” Hyungwon looked over at him then. His eyes were warmer than Changkyun had remembered, softer. But they weren’t inviting him in. There was a layer of distance that hadn’t existed there before, a layer Changkyun had created. “You didn’t have to be friends with me in the first place.” Hyungwon paused, his lips bending down into a frown. “What, have you been thinking for the past five years that I blamed you or that I despised you?”

“W-Well…yeah…”

“People leave, and we move on,” Hyungwon said before looking back down at the homework. “Now let’s get back to-”

“We can’t just move on,” Changkyun said. He’d thought that if he’d gotten his feelings out there, the guilt would dissolve because he’d finally have closure. But there was no closure. He still had no idea what Hyungwon was thinking.

Hyungwon sighed, seemingly tired of the conversation. He looked back over at Changkyun. “Did you want to be friends with me again or something?”

Changkyun hesitated, his lips parting just enough for him to take a nervous exhale.

“Didn’t think so. Let’s just focus on the math and forget the other stuff,” Hyungwon said, turning back to the book. Changkyun hadn’t gotten a good look at his face. He could only imagine the disappointment, the resignation that he knew had to be there.

They had to, right? Because before he’d left, he’d been a good friend to Hyungwon, hadn’t he? And that meant that he had been important to him, that his absence had left a mark, right?

Or maybe that was just him being selfish.

\--

“Does he have any friends?” Changkyun asked, staring across the cafeteria at the table in the back. Hyungwon was sitting by himself, back propped up against the wall, book lying open on the table while he munched on what Changkyun assumed to be a peanut butter sandwich.

He hated how he remembered the small things.

“Chae Hyungwon? Hell if I know,” Jooheon said, rolling his eyes. “Look, man, you’ve got to get over this. You’ve been obsessed with him for the past week, asking if he’s in any clubs, if he’s dated anyone, who he’s friends with. The answer to all those questions is that I don’t know because I’ve never paid attention to him. He’s a nerd, isn’t he?”

“Yeah,” Changkyun echoed, still zoned out as he stared across the cafeteria. “I just want to know if…if he’s okay, if he’s happy, that sort of thing.”

“I’m sure you didn’t break his heart when you stopped being friends,” Jooheon responded sarcastically. “Just give it a rest.”

“But I was his only friend,” Changkyun said, watching as Hyungwon set down his sandwich and picked up the book instead.

“It looks like he’s doing fine without you,” Jooheon said, rolling his eyes. He didn’t understand why Changkyun was suddenly obsessed with an anti-social geek. “He’s probably happier alone anyway.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah.”

\--

“Today’s our last tutoring session,” Hyungwon announced as they got off the bus.

Changkyun looked over at him in surprise. His teacher hadn’t told him anything about that. “What? Really?”

“You should have enough points to pass the class now,” Hyungwon said, not looking over at him as he proceeded further into the house.

Changkyun followed, setting his shoes on the matt. He realized all of a sudden that Mr. Chae’s extra shoes were gone. That was why the rack was so empty. “But-”

“What?” Hyungwon asked, turning to look at Changkyun. “You’re only here for your grade anyway.”

“I guess but…” Changkyun hesitated. He should be relieved, right? He wouldn’t have to deal with these uncomfortable situations anymore. He could just go back to how it used to be, where he and Hyungwon didn’t associate, where thoughts of the other boy never crossed his mind.

But why did the sound of that make him unhappy? Why had he been unconsciously looking forward to going to Hyungwon’s house tomorrow?

He put his confusing thoughts aside for the moment, instead focusing on the homework. He’d actually started turning it in again. Even if it didn’t matter much to his grade, it helped him do better on the tests. He’d missed hanging out with Jooheon the past couple of weeks, but it looked like he would pass math, so it had been worth it.

“That’s the end of the unit,” Hyungwon announced, shutting the book, and Changkyun blinked, belatedly realizing that an hour had passed with no Kyungwon to interrupt this time.

“A-Already?”

“Yes.”

Changkyun swallowed, trying to create excuses to extend his tutoring. He didn’t know what drove him to do it. He just didn’t want to go back to ignoring Hyungwon and avoiding his general existence. “Hyungwon-”

“You should go,” Hyungwon said, keeping his eyes down. “You’ve probably got people to hang out with or whatever.”

“I’m sorry, okay?” Changkyun said, biting his lip.

“We already talked about this-”

“Not really, we didn’t,” Changkyun interrupted. He felt like he might never see Hyungwon again, and if that happened, well, he felt like he had to explain himself. “It’s just- I didn’t have any other friends back then, and my brother was always making fun of me, and- I wanted to change all that, I wanted people to like me.”

“I get it,” Hyungwon said, shrugging. “I was a loser. I still am, according to all the people you like so much. And you didn’t want to be a loser too. You still don’t.”

Changkyun clenched his hands, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles nervously. “Hyungwon-”

“I already told you, it’s fine,” Hyungwon said, shaking his head and sighing. “How many more times do I have to say it? Be friends with whoever you want.”

“What if…I want to be friends with you?”

Hyungwon looked over sharply, his eyes narrowed as he scanned Changkyun’s face for sincerity. “I don’t want to be part of some joke, Changkyun-”

“It’s not a joke, I swear,” Changkyun rushed out, his words coming impulsively now. Even he had absolutely no idea as to what he was going to say. “I just- I miss our friendship. I miss you.”

“Why would you miss me,” Hyungwon mumbled. “You’ve got Jooheon and Kihyun and Minhyuk and all your other friends, don’t you?”

“I think I miss being a nerd,” Changkyun said, laughing to himself, but he found the idea sad the more he talked. “Wearing real glasses so I could actually see things. Doing well in school. Playing games. Not worrying about failing classes or getting caught doing something wrong.”

“Look, Changkyun, I don’t want to sound dramatic but- you know you’ll probably lose all the friends you have if you suddenly change into someone you’re not.”

“I haven’t been myself for a long time,” Changkyun said softly. “And everyone seems to like Fake Changkyun just fine. Except you.”

Hyungwon shrugged his shoulders, looking away. “Cause I knew the real you first.”

“And you were friends with me back then when no one else was,” Changkyun said. “Maybe I was the loser, not you. Maybe I was dragging you down.”

“I find that highly unlikely-”

“So? Can we be friends again?” Changkyun pressed, needing to hear Hyungwon’s answer today. He needed to fix his past mistakes.

“I guess,” Hyungwon said, still not looking like he entirely believed Changkyun. “Do you want to…play a game or something?”

“Sure,” Changkyun said, feeling more eager than he had in a long time. He pulled out his laptop and searched his programs for the last game he’d downloaded. “Hey, do you still have that one- Stardew Valley?”

Hyungwon hesitated before nodding and opening the application.

Changkyun looked over at his screen and laughed. “You’ve barely gotten anywhere in the game! You’re still in the first year!”

“Yeah,” Hyungwon mumbled. “Because I said I wouldn’t play ahead without you.”

Changkyun’s mouth fell open. He was touched. Sure, it was just a video game, but…Hyungwon had waited for him, even when he thought Changkyun would never come back.

“So…um…I guess we should go mine that iridium ore, huh?”

Hyungwon looked over, equally surprised as Changkyun had been at the fact that he’d remembered. Slowly, slowly, Hyungwon’s lips curled into a smile, but he looked away quickly, instead staring at the screen. It cast a whitish-blue glow onto his skin, making him appear more pale than usual, the light bouncing off his overly-large glasses frames. “Yeah, okay. That sounds good.”

Changkyun’s eyes were on Hyungwon’s face. He’d have to find his glasses soon, the real ones with a prescription. Then maybe he’d stop almost failing math.

Then again. It had worked out for him pretty well this time.

**Author's Note:**

> Please support my search for happiness: ko-fi.com/nobodyimportant


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